Revisions

Posted: February 24, 2014 in Poetry
Tags: , , , ,

I like: cartoons cooties love jobs YOU
I want: toys kisses sex YOU
I love: Kyle Chris Jamie Taylor Jordan Casey Jesse Peyton Stacey YOU
I need: mother’s milk braces glasses alcohol sleep money YOU
I believe in: Santa Claus the tooth fairy God Me You

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Comments
  1. Pua Nani says:

    ha ha no one to believe in huh? Feel you on that one

  2. haddyism says:

    I believe in: God Me You. I don’t believe in Santa anymore though

  3. Hahaha…awesome! I love how you think about poems structurally from different angles. This one turned out lovely.

  4. I believe in music and poetry – they will last longer than me

  5. Alice Keys says:

    Ha ha ha. I got the laugh I needed this morning from this one. Good work. I like the crossing out structure. Alice

  6. Miranda Stone says:

    Uh oh! That’s what I thought upon reading the final line. I actually didn’t consider this a funny poem, so I hope I’m not missing anything. To me there’s a great deal of sadness and resignation at the end. In all lines but the last, the narrator is giving up things previously needed or wanted and substituting them with the powerful YOU of the poem. It becomes a kind of obsession. And then, at the very end, all hope is lost, when even that need and belief is gone. Powerful stuff, as always, Benjamin.

    • bejamin4 says:

      Thanks, Miranda. You’re right that the poem is meant to carry a sadder tone. The crossing out seems a little playful but it also has serious weight to it and it is always sad when one cannot find anything or anyone to believe in. Thanks again for leaving some comments.

  7. F.G.M. says:

    Great! I would have loved to think to use crossed out characters in my calligrams!

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