#justlove (#2)

Posted: October 9, 2014 in #justlove
Tags: , , , , , , ,

So maybe there is some limit to love. Or at least some limit to who you can love, some sort of unwritten law of love, dictating what is and isn’t allowed. Though who made this law? And when and where was it made? How can we know what we’ve never seen?

Perhaps certain invisible laws are scribbled on our hearts the moment we enter this world. Perhaps this is the reason for the distinction between good and evil, between love and hate. At the center of death there is life, precisely the life of death, but is there really good at the center of evil, love at the center of hate?

I don’t think lying is something that you can just love. And I don’t think there is truth at the center of lying. We can never birth a truth from a lie, no matter what we think. (Though if you ask me tomorrow I might say the opposite.)

Almost I entitled this post #justdon’tlove, but decided against it. If there is anything in life that we deserve it is love. Everyone deserves to be loved and to give love to others. And even if we don’t agree with something or like something, it doesn’t mean that we have to hate it. Instead of hating, we should like-without-liking, love-without-loving. That is to say, we can love all things without being “in love” with them.

This “amazing woman” that I wrote about before is worth loving. I know this from the dregs of my soul. But the dregs of her soul doesn’t believe I’m worth loving. Still, she is no less amazing because she won’t be my girlfriend or my wife. In many ways she is even more amazing in how she treated me when I told her the truth of my deception.

Without describing the exact details, she basically told me how sweet and cute and charming she thinks I am and jokingly that she didn’t need another son. Of course, she said that the right woman is waiting out there for me (namely a younger woman). Though I can’t help but think she might have been the woman.

Looking back, I don’t really know what I was thinking when I wrote about this on my blog, but I’m tired of regretting things, at least for now. Thanks for the advice everyone!

For now, back to the half-light to glue back together my fractured heart.

#don’tjustlove Β #justlove

  1. Pua Nani says:

    Have you ever read the book “the god of small things” by arundhati roy? that is one of my all time favorites. I thought of it here as “the love laws” are a theme in that book. I too wonder sometimes about what unrequited love really means in the grand scheme of love. I guess it shows that we are all so deep in our individual dreams, what we feel about something and how it gives meaning to us are all so different from each other. Yet we touch each other anyway through the collective space. blessings πŸ™‚

    • bejamin4 says:

      Yes, I did read that book once. I remember “the love laws”! Always something that stuck with me. I guess they really do exist somewhere out there.

      A very lovely comment you left here. Thank you πŸ™‚ Have the most wonderful day!

  2. jadedmess says:

    Oh Ben, this takes courage to write about. You’ve shared your soul with us. It saddens me that her response was what it was. If I was there, I would help you glue your fractured heart together…I know many of us here would β™₯

  3. Svelte says:

    Darnit! She shattered my hopes as well!:/ Ah, chin up…you came clean, that’s a great display of strenght!
    Now get out there and fall in love again, I was just fixin to enjoy this series #justlove. πŸ™‚
    -Jen x

    • bejamin4 says:

      Haha, thanks. Maybe it can still be inspiration for something else. A series would’ve been nice. I was hoping for it, too, actually. Maybe a little too much.

      Thanks again. Have a fantastic rest of your day!

  4. stacilys says:

    Oh Benjamin, you sound like you have a passionate soul. You want to give your all to someone. That’s sweet. I’m sooooooooooo glad you decided to come clean and tell her the truth. Me thinks you like older women, yes?
    Anyhow, concerning your thoughts about love and truth and all… I, for one, don’t believe that truth can come out of a lie. This is an absolute, I think. And when it comes to love, well the English language is very vague when it comes to love. The Greek has at least six different words to define, ‘love’. Now-a-days modern society consider love as the ‘falling in love’ experience. I can’t remember if we discussed this yet or not. Did we? Anyhow, if not, I wrote a whole post on this on Valentine’s Day this year. If you’d like to read it, you can do so here:

  5. bejamin4 says:

    No, we didn’t talk about it, I don’t think. But I did know about all of the different kinds besides “Epithumia”. I’ve never heard about that one, but unfortunately I think I’ve experienced that one the most, especially in the negative sense if I”m understanding it right. I’m really starting to think that “nice guys finish last”.

    I don’t know if I would say anything about a physical age range, but I do like the more mature mind, yes. Unfortunately I’ve learned the hard way that older doesn’t mean wiser or maturer. And I think I tend to agree with your thoughts about truth. You can’t get a truth from a lie. And I always enjoy how other languages have so many more meanings for words; it’s very interesting.

    Not putting out a single add here, but if you know any single women as smart and amazing as yourself, let them know I exist. πŸ™‚ I’m partly joking, of course.

  6. Part 2. Wow. Life’s irony. We are a lot a like haha. Keep trooping guy.

  7. Benjamin, believe in love. Always. Believe that age doesn’t matter, if we don’t, then what other lies are we convincing ourselves of, my dear. You always come across as positive and mature in our comments back and forth. I think she’s missing out on one hell of a man, mind and lover. Believe in the journey of happily ever after. I believe in Peter Pan, and you should believe in love.

    Find some peace tonight, B.

    • bejamin4 says:

      I’ll try and keep believing if you do as well. I mature sometimes, I think, about certain things, and positive when I can be. Maybe she is missing out, but I’m not-so-secretly thinking of pursuing it more. But I guess I’ll find my peace tonight and forget about it.

      Thanks for commenting πŸ™‚ Have a great night! Hope you have a great day!

  8. Lisa says:

    This is a profound self realization. The writing of this, in and of itself, is brilliant. I think you are further along on understanding than you realize or give yourself credit. Desiring something that you have yet to achieve means just that. Keep your head up and keep working on you. Being with someone who wants to be with you as much as you want to be with them is worth the wait.

    • bejamin4 says:

      Thank you, Lisa. That is one of the best comments I’ve ever received. I think you right: it is always are work to improved ourselves. And again you’re right, even though it is hard to realize sometimes: ” Being with someone who wants to be with you as much as you want to be with them is worth the wait.”

      Have a wonderful evening!

  9. redgladiola says:

    There’s no regret. You went for it and she told you all the admirable qualities she saw in you, just that she felt you weren’t right for each other. Don’t think it’s because you aren’t good enough. Sometimes, people just don’t have similar feelings. *hugs*

    • bejamin4 says:

      Yes, that makes so much sense. I guess you’re right in that I shouldn’t have regrets. Just a little sad, but I’ll improve. πŸ™‚ Thank you. Hope you’re feeling fully better! Have the best night!

  10. Miranda Stone says:

    I’m sorry it didn’t work out, Benjamin. I think, however, that you have more maturity now than many people twice your age possess. I hope you and the lovely lady you met will be able to remain friends.

  11. tenderlytina says:

    It’s my opinion that love has no rules except the ones we place on it. You reminded me of an old article I wrote long ago. I think I’ll go dig it up now.

  12. InfiniteZip says:

    Love is letting go….give it a chance and be true to yourself. If it’s meant to be, it will circle around and find you again…love is all.

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