Posts Tagged ‘relationships’

Thinking About You

Posted: October 7, 2015 in Poetry
Tags: , , , ,

Once I loved you like
My best enemy

Soon I’ll love you like
Somebody I never knew

Already I love you
Less than strangers

Only marry the one
Who you would love to
Travel alongside of toward
The nine circles of Hell

Ideally because he/she would
Make you smile as if you were
Traveling toward the door of Heaven


You’re the queen
Of my foreverdom


1. Love = [Inner Beauty + Self-knowledge + Reflection]Mind + (Honesty × Compassion × Loyalty)Trust + (Cooperation × Continuity) − Hatred(Emotional + Physical)

2. Love = Inner Beauty of Mind +  Self-knowledge of Mind + Reflection of Mind + Honesty-Compassion-Loyalty of Trust + Cooperative Continuity – Emotional Hatred + Physical Hatred

3. Love = Inner Beauty of Mind + Cooperative (Trust + Continuity) – Hatred

This is my developing Love Formula, but what is your Love Formula? I loved for you to share it with me.

I fell in love
Not with you
But with your lies

I watched you
Not as if you were
A human being
But a television
Eagerly anticipating
Your next episode

You were a master
Of tricks and tantrums
Yet a novice with deception

Still you lied and lied
Like you were the
Reincarnation of Pinocchio

I told one white lie
And my soul feels
Darker than the inside
Of a chimney

How are you not
A pile of soot
From all the smoke
You blew my way?

Oh, la Pinocchia
Teach me how to lie
And feel good about it

So maybe there is some limit to love. Or at least some limit to who you can love, some sort of unwritten law of love, dictating what is and isn’t allowed. Though who made this law? And when and where was it made? How can we know what we’ve never seen?

Perhaps certain invisible laws are scribbled on our hearts the moment we enter this world. Perhaps this is the reason for the distinction between good and evil, between love and hate. At the center of death there is life, precisely the life of death, but is there really good at the center of evil, love at the center of hate?

I don’t think lying is something that you can just love. And I don’t think there is truth at the center of lying. We can never birth a truth from a lie, no matter what we think. (Though if you ask me tomorrow I might say the opposite.)

Almost I entitled this post #justdon’tlove, but decided against it. If there is anything in life that we deserve it is love. Everyone deserves to be loved and to give love to others. And even if we don’t agree with something or like something, it doesn’t mean that we have to hate it. Instead of hating, we should like-without-liking, love-without-loving. That is to say, we can love all things without being “in love” with them.

This “amazing woman” that I wrote about before is worth loving. I know this from the dregs of my soul. But the dregs of her soul doesn’t believe I’m worth loving. Still, she is no less amazing because she won’t be my girlfriend or my wife. In many ways she is even more amazing in how she treated me when I told her the truth of my deception.

Without describing the exact details, she basically told me how sweet and cute and charming she thinks I am and jokingly that she didn’t need another son. Of course, she said that the right woman is waiting out there for me (namely a younger woman). Though I can’t help but think she might have been the woman.

Looking back, I don’t really know what I was thinking when I wrote about this on my blog, but I’m tired of regretting things, at least for now. Thanks for the advice everyone!

For now, back to the half-light to glue back together my fractured heart.

#don’tjustlove  #justlove

#justlove (#1)

Posted: October 8, 2014 in #justlove
Tags: , , , , ,

For the next couple of months, or at least until the end of the year, I’m going to try and change my way of thinking, try to recycle my bad thoughts and turn them into good ones. Instead of disliking or hating certain experiences, I’m going to value everything that happens to me, be happy for the opportunity to experience all that there is to experience in life, whether that is getting caught in the rain or trying a new food or being late for work. It is amazing to think about all the possibilities a day can bring us. Always, we should open that door of possibility and see what is behind it. There is no limit to where possibility can lead us; the path has as many branches as there are planets in the universe, even if most of these paths are shadowed by fear and doubt. Still, we shouldn’t run from those shadows. No, we should embrace them, find out what there is to find within them.

With that said, tonight I met the most amazing woman in the world. She is what I could never imagine, not even in my dreams. She is a perfect collection of particles, the kind of matter that actually matters. Already I think I could love her until my eyes close for the final time. Though how silly of a thought is that?

I don’t know what I think about love at first sight. Perhaps just that I am not so much in love as my eyes are? But I feel a connection beyond glances and stares, a connection that runs into the invisible parts of me, perhaps the more important parts of me, of us all. Honestly, I think I would tell her that I love her now, if I didn’t think it would scare her away. I suppose it’s sometimes best to slow down the feelings of the heart.

I must admit, though, that I made a mistake with this woman, one that I’m already secretly regretting. (Although my goal for the next couple of months is to live regret free.)

I lied to her. I’m much younger than she thinks I am.